In the modern workplace, the balance between being too nice and assertive is a complex issue. While kindness is valued, excessive niceness can be perceived as a weakness, especially among women, writes Rachel Feintzeig for The Wall Street Journal.  

“I don’t need a sorry,” said Harry Kraemer, a professor of leadership. “Hit the number. Do what you told me you were going to do.” 

Leadership requires setting clear expectations and following through with consequences. Being liked should not overshadow being respected. 

Being assertive without being nasty is often more effective in negotiations and pitching ideas.  Starting with a statement rather than a question, and proposing solutions can make communication more assertive. 

Being nice doesn’t mean giving up one’s personality. Colton Schweitzer, a user-experience designer, uses pleasantness as a strength, and his serious moments carry weight.  

Sternness can be used as valuable currency when needed, and invoking a more stern style can be highly effective. 

You don’t have to abandon your personality to be taken seriously. Pleasant interactions, asking questions, and inserting humor can be powerful tools. 

To be tough but not jerky, setting clear expectations is key. Following through with consequences works, and intensity in voice, without smiling, can be effective. 

Read more about how not to be a jerk in the workplace in The Wall Street Journal.  

How to be assertive at work (without being aggressive)

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