Being nice to people is definitely a good thing, but taking it to excess can get you branded with a lot of demoralizing perceptions.

A pushover.

A people pleaser.

Spineless.

A doormat.

It all amounts to people thinking you can be taken advantage of and won’t stand up for yourself.

Maybe you do this because confrontation makes you uncomfortable, but as Bustle points out, there are many ways you can take a stand without getting aggressive.

Don’t Beat Around the Bush

Some people find being direct difficult so they tend to ramble their way into what they need to say. This can just be confusing and make you appear indecisive. It’s not aggressive to state what you need to get your job done. Stop tiptoeing around the topic and just get to the point.

Address Problems After You’ve Calmed Down

One reason you might be hesitant to speak up at the moment is you know that your emotions get intense quickly. Maybe you’ve had bad past incidents where you said things you regretted. You can still defend yourself, but maybe address it with the person later when your feelings are less raw.

Sometimes No Response Sends the Strongest Message

One problem may be a coworker who makes mean-spirited comments toward others. They might feel emboldened to do this because the targets always politely laugh along or give a response that feels like both parties were getting heated. But not saying a word creates an awkward silence that others will pick up on and realize the reason behind it.

Prepare

Having the facts on your side makes it easier to feel confident. If you want to speak up on a matter that is important to you, do your research beforehand to speak knowledgeably on the topic.

Respect Yourself

Sometimes it helps to imagine what you would tell someone else who was dealing with your problems. How would you tell a coworker to resolve whatever the issue is? Now ask, if they are worthy of being heard, why would you hold yourself to a lower standard?

Being willing to speak up doesn’t make you any less nice. It just means you don’t allow people to steamroll you and take advantage of your kindness.

If you would like some more ideas on how to protect your self-respect, see other strategies that Bustle recommends here.

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In this video, Charisma on Demand covers three ways to react when a friend crosses the line and you want to stand up for yourself without starting a fight.

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