It’s been almost a year since Indy went to Marion’s bar in Nepal.

So it was weird when he walked into my house…

My daughter has been accepted to college.

In Florida. 

Listen. I’m very proud of her. She’s worked hard. I’m excited for her…

I’ve been everywhere.

Man.

I probably didn’t look as cool as The Man in Black, but I’ve been everywhere.

OK. Maybe I…

It’s not easy assembling a costume for Shyamaween.

Wait.

Are you familiar with Shyamaween?

No?

Good.

I love explaining Shyamaween.

M. Night Shyamalan — the…

Jack O’Lanterns blaze fiery grins.

Spirits prepare for All Hallows Eve.

So.

How about a creepy little tale?

Good horror — Amityville, The Exorcist, The…

I have a friend with a Willie of her own.

Huh. Probably could have phrased that better.

But really. Where is the fun in that…

After spending two Fridays straightening out her finances, I had a very grateful Willie on my hands.

Willie’s finances — how do I put this…

Something disturbing happened to me last week.

Wait. That’s not accurate.

I did something disturbing last week.

Yes. That’s better. I did something…

I promise this isn’t another column about scuba.

But.

Given my aquatic adventures of late, I am obsessed with two cinematic genres.

The first…

I’ve entered a new quadrant of the Willie Universe.

The likelihood that someone I know could wind up living in the apartment next to…

I think having kids made my life better.

Wait.

Do I? Yeah. Yes. I do. Made my life better, made me a better person. Yeah…

Is it possible to say I got Willied without it sounding sordid?

Because there was really nothing sordid about it.

It was, however, a typical…

I think scuba is a metaphor for life.

Also, I think scuba doesn’t really exist. Like the idea that humanity is just a simulation…

I was driving down Street Road in Bucks County recently when I saw —

Sorry. I have to take a deep breath or this story will…

So there I was, driving eight hours to drop off my kid at camp.

Then driving eight hours home by myself.

Three days later, I…

So my kid is at sleepaway camp.

Yep. I drove through four states to leave my kid with strangers for five days.

Are you guys…

I turned the lock on the storm door.

You know the one — it won’t engage without a forceful inward jerk, an even more forceful…

What do the new Indiana Jones movie, my spiraling refrigerator, and Indy’s Maryland property have in common?

The answer is a story and then…