So there I was, stuck on the sofa for a few days after surgery to repair that broken arm. 

Which I have just so much to say about. 

But that’ll have to wait. 

Because I want to talk about what I watched while I was compelled to rest. 

I also want to point out these columns have all been written with one hand. 

I know.  

I’m amazing. 

You’ll get used to it.  

There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just hit you with it.  

I watched A Very Jonas Christmas Movie. 

I’m not a Jonas Brothers fan.  

I mean, I don’t dislike the Jonas Brothers. I just know very little about them. 

I know there are about three or four of them. 

I know one has diabetes. 

I know one is married to Priyanka Chopra, who was on that show Quantico. 

Which I never watched and therefore have no idea why my brain holds that knowledge. But it’s taking up the spot where the last item on the grocery list should be, the one my husband says I always forget. 

And I know one — all? — sings the song that goes like this: 

“I’m a sucker for you … ” 

I’m, like, 98 percent sure. 

I also know they’re not Hanson. 

And that’s it.  

So why did I watch A Very Jonas Christmas Movie? 

I’m not exactly sure. 

I wanted to watch a Christmas movie. That much I know. 

And I wanted it to be a Christmas movie I’d never seen before. 

And none of the Hallmark Channel-esque Christmas movies on TV at that moment were set in Montana or Scotland. 

And none featured Jonathan Frakes from Star Trek: The Next Generation.  

And really. All of the Hallmark Channel-esque Christmas movies should be set in Montana or Scotland and feature Jonathan Frakes from Star Trek: The Next Generation. 

Absent that, what choice does a self-pitying girl with a fairly painful arm fracture in need of a Christmas movie really have? 

So. Home alone for the day, I settled into A Very Jonas Christmas Movie. 

Ha. Home alone. 

That’s funny. 

Now, let me tell you two things about A Very Jonas Christmas Movie.  

One, I was hooked from the opening scene. 

Two, I laughed out loud.  

Many, many times. 

“You were having a rollicking good time,” my husband said once the movie was finished. He came home halfway through my viewing of A Very Jonas Christmas Movie. 

He took one look at the TV and left the room, somehow immune to the charms of the Jonas Brothers. 

“I was watching A Very Jonas Christmas Movie!” I said. 

“I gathered,” he replied, although I don’t know how he knew that. I’m pretty sure he knows even less about the Jonas Brothers than I do. 

I mean, he didn’t even know who Benson Boone was until I told him. 

“It was so good!” I told my husband. 

“I promise you it wasn’t,” he said. 

“No!” I said. “It was really funny!” 

“How many pain pills have you had today?” he asked. 

I’d had zero. Exactly zero. 

The Jonas Brothers don’t need painkillers to make them amusing to the masses. 

I mean, maybe they need pain pills to be amusing, but the masses don’t need pain pills to find them amusing. 

I learned so much about the Jonas Brothers. Like Joe Jonas is not the brother I thought he was, not the one with diabetes, and not the one married to Priyanka Chopra. 

I think. 

Also, there are three Jonas Brothers. And one is named Kevin. 

Kevin looks so much like an old boyfriend of mine, I had to do the math to calculate his possible Kevin Jonas paternity. 

It would be a stretch. 

Maybe an illegitimate brother? 

Ooh, I just remembered one more thing I knew about the Jonas Brothers — The Jonas Brothers? Is “the” a part of their name? — that I knew before watching A Very Jonas Christmas Movie. 

One of the Jonas Brothers was in Jumanji.  

Not the Robin Williams Jumanji. The version of Jumanji with The Rock. 

It’s the brother married to Priyanka Chopra. 

I think. 

A Very Jonas Christmas Movie was self-deprecating. It was full of musical in-jokes. And it was a fun little nod to Home Alone, Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, and It’s a Wonderful Life, with a sprinkling of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. 

And Hallmark Christmas movies. 

With, you know, the guy from Jumanji. 

For a brief moment, I considered making my husband watch the opening scene of A Very Jonas Christmas Movie. 

And the last line of the movie — a line so funny, I can’t even tell you what it involves, for fear of spoiling it. 

But then I remembered how he scoffed at the plot of not one but two episodes of Black Mirror. 

And also that his heart is two sizes too small. 

Except when Humphrey is bleeding. 

And when my arm is broken. 

So I left him alone and considered us even. 

Which is the moral of A Very Jonas Christmas Movie. 

And if my words today have impressed nothing else upon you but the lesson of love relayed by A Very Jonas Christmas Movie, then my work here is done. 

Good thing, too.  

I need to watch A Very Jonas Christmas Movie again.